2022's "numdar335 Awards"

Last year I made a post about 2021's "numdar335 Awards" on my tumblr blog

But this year's awards are about normal-people-stuff (^_^)

They are also a lot less "official-looking". Very underwhelming, compared to last year. Anyway, here goes:

• Best musical album: "Wanderlust" by Sugar For The Pill
• Best television show: Smiling Friends
• Best feature-length film: Taurus
• Best videogame: Soul Hackers 2

Aaand that's it.

My musical journey in 2022

In 2022 I finallyyy stopped being a hip hop fan. This is actually a huge deal to me, because I've listened to literally thousands of hours of hip hop in my life. And every time someone asked "so, what music do you listen to?" my honest answer would have to be some category of hip hop.

The issue is that, I've always been a mild & introverted suburbanite, who can't relate to many typical rap songs. So I did what every suburban kid did: I mostly listened to more accessible rappers such as Eminem, Logic, MGK, Hopsin, you get the gist.

In 2016 I started developing a little bit of a personality & I switched to subgenres such as cloud rap, emo trap, trap metal etc.

But over the years I got sick and tired of what the community had become, and I also got tired of how the underground scene I was once such a huge fan of had gone ultra mainstream & how there is now a gigantic supply of new music that is mediocre at best (quantity is seriously prioritized over quality nowadays, smh)

So, last January I went back to my roots! While I had spent my entire teenagehood (and a small part of my preteenagehood) bumping hip hop, until the age of 11 (and a little bit during the age of 12) I would constantly listen to stuff like pop punk, post-hardcore, nu metal, and (most importantly) 90s alt-rock.

So my "main genre" has switched to alt-rock 🙂

I discovered some awesome new bands too! I'm addicted to some of them 🤯

5 years since Peep's passing

November 15, 2017. I found out about his death a day later. I'll never forget the moment I found out. I was chilling on youtube and this video popped up in the recommendations:

That's a bad way to find out, but wait it gets worse: I was on my phone, so I couldn't see the entire title. It was like "We need to learn from Lil Peep's...." (the end of the title was cut & replaced by ellipses). So I thought to myself "yeah we need to learn from his creativity and his artistry etc". And then I tapped on the fucking video and I lost my shit.

Nowadays when I see Blackyspeakz post about some rapper dying, I believe him because I know how trustworthy he is about this stuff. But back in 2017, I didn't think much of Blacky. I just thought he was some random hiphophead on youtube. If he had instead made a video with a similar title about anyone else's death, it wouldn't have been as hard-hitting to me, because I wouldn't have instantly believed the title. But when I saw that title on the video about Peep, I instantly 100% believed it. It was extremely believable because Peep was obviously very open about his drug use & he once even said he had had drug-related near-death experiences before.

Very few deaths have affected me as much as Peep's. He was easily my favorite artist (right above Yung Lean and Suicideboys), and not only because of the music. Rest in peace, man. Thanks for the memories <3

About the animated background

If you're on mobile you probably can't see it, but if you're on desktop you probably can (and it's very uhh eye-catching). So, what is the background? It's a photo (or many photos, if you're on desktop) of my shadow, but with a bunch of glitchy effects! Pretty-cool, right? ...No? Alright, then.

Happy Halloween

Gonna celebrate by doing a bit of a Silent Hill marathon. I've wanted to do this marathon for almost an entire year now, but I always kept postponing 🙄

Not gonna do anything pumpkin-related though. I don't really care about that stuff, but I'm somewhat nostalgic about how my grandpa used to make me some awesome pumpkin pies when I was younger. Some of his friends owned pumpkin patches so they used to give him free pumpkins 😋

I’ve been struggling with my misanthropy for a long time, but finally-accepting-that-humanity-is-doomed felt surprisingly liberating

No matter how much I hated humanity, I always had a little bit of faith in it. It was a hard pill to swallow, but I have finally accepted the fact that the world is BATSHIT FKN CRAZY and there's absolutely no point in expecting it to be anything more than that.

For the first time in a long time I feel like I can focus on myself instead of others. The world can burn for all I care. I’m too exhausted to care anymore. Life is too short for that shit. Time to get my priorities straight

I know lots of different people who kept telling me to stop caring about the world, and I always criticized them for being apathetic, but I guess it was only a matter of time until I got desensitized like them. I wonder how long this will last

5 years ago today (part 2)

October 26, 2017. I can think of multiple people who I haven't seen since that day. I mean, I never really expected to see those people again, but now that it has been half a decade already, I'm pretty confident that I'll never ever see them again. It's crazy how some people you were once close with are people that you'll never see in a centillion centillion centillion centillion centillion centillion centillion centillion centillion centillion centillion centillion centillion centillion centillion centillion centillion centillion centillion centillion centillion centillion centillion centillion centillion centillion centillion centillion centillion centillion centillion centillion centillion centillion years. That's a loooooooooooong time, y'know? But it's still 0.0000000000000000000000% of the infinite time that will pass without you seeing them. I don't know why I'm saying all this stuff. I guess that by writing this I'm just trying to distract myself from other things

5 years ago today

October 24, 2017. One of my saddest days, but my sadness at the time stemmed from the most stupid bullshit. My life back then was fucking fantastic, I really can't fucking believe I didn't appreciate it. But that's easy for me to say now that I look back from 5 years later. If only I knew what I had back then. If only I had the slightest idea.

I remember checking out this music video on that day, a week after its release:

It wasn't a relatable song for me back then, but I'll always view it as the "soundtrack" to that specific day. I'll also never forget how much shittier I felt when I saw Joji portrayed as this super sad person in the music video, after all those years of me being cheered up by his "Filthy Frank" videos. Such a shitty fucking day, dude.

Reviewing summer 2022

As of today (September 23 -- the first day of autumn), summer 2022 is over!

My main issue with it, much like with the past few summers, is that I was busy enough not to perceive the summer as special/different compared to the rest of the seasons. Actually it was even worse that that: I very-well noticed that this summer was special for everyone else, but definitely not for me. Maybe things would've been different if I had arranged more spare summertime for traveling and whatnot, but I passionately hate traveling (unless there's an important reason behind it). Maybeee things would've been different too if I had simply been to the beach a few times, but I passionately hate sea-swimming, and I hate other beach-related activities such as sunbathing (a.k.a. being voluntarily roasted by the super duper hot summer sun)

• You might've noticed I sound super whiny
• I think I sometimes sound a lot like Kyle's cousin Kyle

But me being busy is not always a bad thing. For example I got a lot of stuff done, I think it paid off fairly well 😃

Anyway, here's a list with my top three summer 2022 highlights:

• Sat down for 2 hours and watched all of Fooly Cooly

• A homie told me about Samurai Champloo (it's really fucking cool)

• Played a tiny bit of NFSU2, and one of the songs ("Celebration Song") in the soundtrack peaked my interest... so I ended up listening to it way too many times, aaand it's safe to say this fucking song will be forever stuck in my fucking head. Nothing will ever scream "summer 2022" to me more than this song

Hmm I guess I could say similar things about a few other songs too, but I'd rather not turn this post into a song playlist, haha

You might think that those highlights are too boring, and you might be right, but. There's no "but". I suck. 😐

Cringey diary entry #3

Wow I feel a lot better now. I'll probably have actually recovered from all the bullshit until next week.

So I guess it's time to get back to work, I have to write literally thousands of lines of code 🤓

Cringey diary entry #2

The last two days have been mild asf but I still haven't recovered from the intensity of last week. I kinda feel like my head is going to fucking explode, this sucks. Maybe I'll take half a day off. I think I might need it more than ever right now, smh

Cringey diary entry #1

I will probably never forget this past week 😵‍💫

The past week felt like a month (I'm not exaggerating here). How can so many different things happen so fast?! Maybe I'm just not used to this because my life is normally mellow as hell. But I guess I mostly just feel this way because I'm way too stressed out these days, making a big life transition which is finally almost over!?

Holy fucking shit, dude.

Welp, this feels really nostalgic

I haven't been on Blogger since a veryyy long time ago. I'd really love to share some of the blogs I had previously been a part of, but some of them are offline for whatever reason, while others are kind of... cringey, even though they mean a lot to me. Welp, this feels really nostalgic.