5 years since Peep's passing

November 15, 2017. I found out about his death a day later. I'll never forget the moment I found out. I was chilling on youtube and this video popped up in the recommendations:

That's a bad way to find out, but wait it gets worse: I was on my phone, so I couldn't see the entire title. It was like "We need to learn from Lil Peep's...." (the end of the title was cut & replaced by ellipses). So I thought to myself "yeah we need to learn from his creativity and his artistry etc". And then I tapped on the fucking video and I lost my shit.

Nowadays when I see Blackyspeakz post about some rapper dying, I believe him because I know how trustworthy he is about this stuff. But back in 2017, I didn't think much of Blacky. I just thought he was some random hiphophead on youtube. If he had instead made a video with a similar title about anyone else's death, it wouldn't have been as hard-hitting to me, because I wouldn't have instantly believed the title. But when I saw that title on the video about Peep, I instantly 100% believed it. It was extremely believable because Peep was obviously very open about his drug use & he once even said he had had drug-related near-death experiences before.

Very few deaths have affected me as much as Peep's. He was easily my favorite artist (right above Yung Lean and Suicideboys), and not only because of the music. Rest in peace, man. Thanks for the memories <3

5 years ago today (part 2)

October 26, 2017. I can think of multiple people who I haven't seen since that day. I mean, I never really expected to see those people again, but now that it has been half a decade already, I'm pretty confident that I'll never ever see them again. It's crazy how some people you were once close with are people that you'll never see in a centillion centillion centillion centillion centillion centillion centillion centillion centillion centillion centillion centillion centillion centillion centillion centillion centillion centillion centillion centillion centillion centillion centillion centillion centillion centillion centillion centillion centillion centillion centillion centillion centillion centillion years. That's a loooooooooooong time, y'know? But it's still 0.0000000000000000000000% of the infinite time that will pass without you seeing them. I don't know why I'm saying all this stuff. I guess that by writing this I'm just trying to distract myself from other things

5 years ago today

October 24, 2017. One of my saddest days, but my sadness at the time stemmed from the most stupid bullshit. My life back then was fucking fantastic, I really can't fucking believe I didn't appreciate it. But that's easy for me to say now that I look back from 5 years later. If only I knew what I had back then. If only I had the slightest idea.

I remember checking out this music video on that day, a week after its release:

It wasn't a relatable song for me back then, but I'll always view it as the "soundtrack" to that specific day. I'll also never forget how much shittier I felt when I saw Joji portrayed as this super sad person in the music video, after all those years of me being cheered up by his "Filthy Frank" videos. Such a shitty fucking day, dude.